


It Was Only A Kiss How Did It End Up Like This?

by mainestage



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Grinding, I'm Sorry, Larzaylea if you sqint, M/M, Unrequited Love, i wrote this in half an hour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 18:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6251611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mainestage/pseuds/mainestage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cashton kiss. Angst ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was Only A Kiss How Did It End Up Like This?

**Author's Note:**

> Before the start of this fic, Calum and Ashton get drunk and end up making out. The next day Calum is upset and Ashton tries to talk to him about it.

"Please open the door Cal I wanna see you." Ashton said softly.

He wasn't 100% sure he was ready to confront what was on the other side of the door but he knew it was his job to try. He owed Calum that much. 

The door softly clicked open and Ashton realized he had been holding his breath in anticipation. Calum didn't say anything as he opened the door a bit and turned around to walk back to his bed, but Ashton had just enough time to see his eyes, red and puffy. 

With a sigh he pushed the door further and walked in, trying to prepare a mental outline of what he needed to say. 

"Don't judge me okay?" Calum said with a rasp to his voice as he laid back down in his bed. 

Ashton's eyebrows furrowed and he scoffed. "Why would I judge you?"

Calum's shoulder's raised in a shrug and silence settled over them. Calum felt the awkwardness thicken the atmosphere and Ashton could tell he was uncomfortable. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to where his best friend lay. 

"Do you think you're up to talking about this?" It wasn't easy to force out but Ashton got it on the second try, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

Calum rolled his eyes. He knew they  _needed_ to talk about it, but he also knew there was no way to do it without hurting his pride even more than crying in front of Ashton had. "Do I have a choice?"

He was startled by a hand suddenly on his shoulder, Ashton's touch so light it felt like a feather duster and he shivered. He hid his face in the covers to mask the blush that had spread across his cheeks.

"Of  _course_ you have a choice Cal." 

For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, Calum sighed, unburying his face and looking up at Ashton. "I just really hope I didn't ruin anything."

Ashton didn't know how to take that, so he shrugged. "You didn't ruin anything. Why would you think that what happened would ruin things?" 

"Don't act confused Ash." Calum propped himself up on an elbow so he could better face him. "I know that you don't.. You're not--"

"Gay?" 

Calum cringed. When he put it out there like that it added to the awkwardness of the whole situation. "Yeah. That. Look, let's just not make this into a big deal when it isn't. I bet this kinda stuff happens all the time between friends, right? It's not like we fucked, I mean it was a couple kisses. So what?"

Ashton's gaze on the floor tightened. Was Calum really saying it didn't mean anything? But then, he knew that if it wasn't a big deal Calum wouldn't have been so upset. "Don't act like that's all it was." He said simply, raising his eyes to meet Calum's now shocked ones. 

Calum was suddenly defensive. "Actually Ashton that is all it was. Sorry you think it was more. I'm going to bed now you can shut the door behind you." And with that he turned over and pulled the covers up over his head.

Shocked was an understatement to explain how Ashton felt, but if Calum wanted to be a bitch about this whole thing, two could play that game. He stood up and stormed out, not saying a word to his best friend as he slammed the door behind him. 

~~~

"Do you think they're gonna like, I don't know, fuck?" 

Luke choked on the soda he was sipping and glared at Michael in return. "How the fuck should I know? It really isn't our business anyways." He sipped the soda again trying to mask his own curiosity. 

Ashton had just gone up to talk to Calum about what had happened and as quiet as Michael had strangely been all day, he made up for it now.

"But think about it dude, it kinda is." 

Luke shook his head. 

"Just hear me out." He held his hand over Luke's mouth. "What if they get together then break up and can't work together? What does that mean for the ban-- EEW don't lick my hand!" He snatched his hand away and wiped it off on the couch. 

"You deserved it. And as hard as it is to imagine Ash and Cal being anything other than friends, If they  _did_ get together they'd never let anything fuck up the band." 

They both heard the door slam upstairs and saw Ashton storm out and come down the stairs. 

"I think." Luke concluded. 

 

Ashton walked past without saying a word and started slipping on his shoes by the front door. Michael and Luke exchanged worried glances. 

"Where are you going?" Luke asked, just as Ashton reached for the door. 

The older boy stopped and turned around, glaring at the two of them like they'd just committed a heinous crime. "Out." 

Now is as good a time as any to mention Michael and Luke's "thing". They both had the ability to (to an extent) discern what the other was thinking. They had mini conversations all the time without even having to look at each other. Their words were communicated in what seemed like a telepathic exchange.

So without any hesitation it was decided that Luke would handle this. 

"Can I come?" He asked, attempting to seem oblivious to Ashton's bad mood. 

An angry chuckled came from Ashton's chest that almost sounded defeated, but he replied, "Whatever man." 

So Luke stood up and quickly scooped his wallet up from the coffee table in front of him, following angry Ashton out of the house. 

~~~

It was hard to keep up with Ashton's pace to the car outside but Luke said nothing as he trailed behind him, preparing a text to Michael saying, " _If I'm not back in 2 hours call the cops."_

He chuckled at his own joke and quickly had to straighten out his face when Ashton turned to see what was so funny. "What?" Luke asked innocently. 

Ashton's eyes rolled and he got into the driver's seat of the car. 

"So where are we going?" Luke asked casually as he settled in the his seat and Ashton pulled away from the curb. 

He only received a shrug.

"Alright." His fingers drummed on the edge of the door and he racked his brain trying to decide how to open this conversation.

 _Just ask him._ He thought.  _The worst he can do is swerve and kill us both._

Before Luke's brain could flood with more horrific thoughts Ashton broke the silence.

"So you know what happened, right?" His eyes never left the road.

"Uhmm, I'm aware yeah. But I don't want to jump to any conclusions until I hear it from you or Calum."

Ashton's head bobbed in a nod. "That's cool of you dude."

Cool? Luke didn't know about that. He was jumping to hella conclusions, he just of course couldn't let Ashton know that. "So you want to tell me what really went down?"

Ashton's mouth opened but he ended up closing it without speaking a second later. Thinking about it, he  _really_ didn't want to retell it. It was pointless anyways, right? "Short version of it, something less than platonic happened and now things are gray." He was gonna let Luke reply but he felt like the words in his brain were going to overflow. "I just don't appreciate him acting like he doesn't give a fuck. He obviously does, and he  _knows_ he's being a dick, cause there's no way he doesn't know, right?"

"Uh, um I guess.. But--" 

"And not to mention the fact he was the one who started it! I'm not saying I'm innocent but he was the one who kissed  _me_ first. He's just acting this way because he doesn't want to accept how he feels, which should upset me but that isn't really what's bothering me."

Luke had to speak up while Ashton took a breath. "Then what is?" 

There was silence for about a minute before Ashton continued. "I guess I'm just terrified about the fact that I  _know_ he really has feelings for me. Like, it would be different if it just happened and it was just because he was drunk. But the fact that he has to hide how he feels because he does care is terrifying." 

Luke chewed the inside of his lip, watching the trees get closer then fade away as they passed. He let a few minutes pass before Ashton spoke again. 

"Nothing to say?" 

"I think you're wrong." He didn't dare make eye contact with Ashton, but in his peripherals he saw his face contort in confusion.

"About?"

"I think you're upset because you have feelings for him and you wanted to be reassured that that was okay. You wanted him to make you feel like you weren't alone in this." He licked his lips in nervousness and finally glanced over at Ashton. "But I don't think he's ready yet, Ash."

That hit Ashton hard. A knot started swelling in his throat and swallowing it down didn't help. He pulled the car over when they reached their destination: a diner he frequented, and he stared out of the front window. He said nothing as he climbed out of the car and shut the door behind him.

Luke gulped and followed. He was telling him what he honestly thought, but maybe he should have said it differently? As he walked in behind Ashton his phone buzzed. " _Are you alive still?"_ Michael asked him. 

He quickly typed out, " _Barely."_ and sat down opposite Ashton in the booth, happy for the distraction so he didn't have to make eye contact. 

 

They got through the meal in silence before Ashton finally broke it. "I want him to be ready." By some miracle he kept his voice from wavering, even though he knew Luke wouldn't judge him if he knew how upset he was. And God was he upset. Mostly because he had a sinking suspicion that Luke was right. 

He and Calum had been best friends for a while, but the past year, Ashton had feelings he couldn't explain even to himself. 

Luke and Michael saw it before even Ashton himself did. 

"I know." Luke smiled at him sadly. "And he may be after all. I just think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that he doesn't want to explore.. Whatever it is you two have." 

Ashton ran his large hand through his hair and huffed out a breath. "Well I guess I should talk to him about it then.." 

~~~

Calum's quiet sobs were interrupted by a soft knock at his door. He didn't answer, thinking if we ignored him, Ashton would get the hint and go away. Let him stay in his misery a while longer. But instead the door swung opened and Michael came strutting in, two beers in hand. 

"Sit up." He instructed, sitting on the edge of the bed where Ashton had sat not ten minutes prior. 

Calum knew there was no point in arguing, so he got up, wiping his tears from his cheeks and grabbed one of the beers from Michael's hand. "I don't want to talk about it." 

Michael was nodding before he finished. "I'm not here to talk about you I'm here to talk about me." 

"Why am I surprised?" Calum scoffed and Michael smiled widely. 

"So I have a problem." He started, suddenly serious. 

Calum scooted over and patted the space next to him signaling Michael to sit next to him. 

When he was comfortable, he continued, "It's  _kind of_ in line with your problem that we're not gonna talk about, but it's still a problem."

"Go on." He was up for anything to take his mind off of Ashton. 

"So you know I'm not shy about my feelings or anything like that, so this is big for me." He took a sip of his beer and looked at Calum to make sure he was listening. 

"Dude don't make me beat it out of you, get on with it!" 

"Alright! Sorry!" He dodged Calum's halfhearted punch and let his grip on his beer tighten. "Luke and I fucked."

And suddenly there was beer all over Calum's cover and he was coughing like he'd never tasted air before. "What?" It came out like a wheeze.

"I know. I didn't see it coming either." Mike's affect seemed unchanged, but inside his heart was about to pound out of his chest at this admission. "We haven't talked about it, and we keep acting like it hasn't happened but  _goddamn it_ every time I see him texting--" He gritted his teeth. "-- _her_ \-- I get so fucking angry I see red. And that's not a normal thing for two best mates."

"Neither is fucking!" Calum had finally caught his breath and was wiping beer off his chin with his sleeve. 

"Yeah yeah." 

"Okay question." 

Michael nodded in response. 

"Who took it up the ass?"

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and that's BESIDES THE POINT!" Michael shouted, trying not to smile. 

His shock was wearing off finally. "Talk to him about it." 

"I will if you will." And with that, he clinked his beer bottle against Calum's and climbed out of his bed, exiting the door and leaving Calum in stunned silence. 

~~~

Ashton walked head-on into Calum as he came up the stairway looking for him and both boys stumbled backwards. 

"I need to talk to you." They both said in unison. 

Calum smiled at the ground and let Ashton speak. "Can we go to my room?" Calum nodded and trailed behind him. 

 

"There's something I need to say and I want you to just let me say it." Ashton rushed out before Calum had a chance to speak. 

Calum waited for him to finish instead of responding.

"Right. Okay. Uhmm--" He fiddled with his shirt and sat on his bed. "I get that you're not ready. I mean, it's a big deal; neither of us that I know of had any inclinations towards the same sex before this and adding feelings to the physical side of it is just confusing. But even if you're not ready to admit how you feel, I am. And I'm gonna tell you whether you want me to or not."

With no objection from the other boy, he continued. "I  _really_ fucking like you Cal. I think you're amazing and I've never felt like this about a guy before so even though you make me feel awesome I'm also kinda scared. But I don't want my fear to get in the way of what I think could turn out to be something really good. Something I've been needing for a while."

Calum's breathing was uneven and besides their heartbeats, was the only sound in the room. 

"Nothing to say?" Ashton risked a look up at him. 

He was staring intently at the door and his bottom lip was between his teeth. After a few beats he spoke, "I am ready." It was barely above a whisper. 

Ashton's pulse pounded behind his ears. "What?" He had to be sure of what he was hearing. 

"I know I had a shitty attitude before, but I was just.." He scratched at his back. "I didn't know how to say what I needed to say. I still don't." 

A poorly masked grin broke out on Ashton's face. "You don't have to explain if you don't want to." 

"Yeah but you said it so perfectly Ash. It's not fair that I can't put it as... Eloquently."

Ashton went to reassure him but was interrupted. "I just would really like to wrap my arms around you." 

Ashton's response was a relieved laugh and he grabbed Calum by the waist and brought him down into his lap so that Calum was straddling his hips. Calum laid his head down onto his shoulders and let out a sigh of contentment. He let his arms drape themselves around his neck and he smiled as he felt Ashton's own strong arms snake around his body and squeeze. Calum was convinced he could remain there forever. 

But his body had other plans that needed attending to. 

Ashton noticed and, instead of making Calum feel awkward, he let his hands trail around to rest on his sides, and in return Calum lifted his head and let Ashton kiss him. It was soft and sweet and Calum felt like he was going to implode. He pulled away briefly, "Kiss me like you mean it." 

Ashton's reply was nonverbal. His hands lowered to Calum's waist and he dipped his tongue into his mouth. Calum's answer was a moan and he ground down onto Ashton's lap, letting him better feel the problem in his pants. Slowly, Ashton leaned back on the bed and brought Calum with him, their mouths still connected and Calum's hips still grinding against Ashton's. 

"Can we--" Ashton moaned raggedly as Calum's clothed dick rubbed stiffly against his own "can we get under the covers?" 

Calum thought it was a silly thing to worry about, but as he looked down and saw the apprehension in Ashton's eyes he softened. "Sure." He climbed off and lifted up Ashton's covers, crawling underneath. Ashton followed and once again found his lips, their bodies lining up against each other again. 

As it got hotter in the room, Calum gasped out, "How do you wanna do this?" 

Ashton didn't answer for a minute, so lost in the sheer novelty of  _Calum_ and Calum's dick on his. "Just like this. Plently of time for everything else." 

He was right of course. Calum agreed and he gripped Ashton's shoulders and pulled him up so that Ashton was on top of him. His hand crept down lower and he cupped the other boy's ass, eliciting a moan from him and Ashton  _loved loved loved_ the way it felt. 

They were both a panting mess soon enough and Calum could feel his balls tightening. Ashton bit back a smile at how much this reminded him of when he was 14. 

Ashton was the first to come undone, his face buried in Calum's neck and a small man of, " _Fuck"_ leaving his lips as his hips stuttered and eventually stopped. Calum followed close behind and as his cum shot out of him and bit down on Ashton's neck to stifle the noises leaving his mouth. 

Ashton rolled over and off of Calum, but Calum didn't let him go far and pulled him close to his side. "Where do you think you're going?"

Ashton grinned. "Absolutely nowhere." He pressed a kiss to his lips. 

Calum suddenly got a jolt of memory. "Oh fuck! I forgot about what Mike said!" 

Ashton's brows furrowed. "What did he say?"

Calum thought about he and Michael conversation and decided it'd be a good idea to leave it between them. "You know what? Nevermind, it's personal. You'll find out soon enough anyways."

The curly haired boy rolled his eyes. "Did they finally fuck?" 

"How did you know?" His mouth hung open. 

"How did you  _not_ know for so long?" 

Calum shook his head and buried his face into Ashton's chest. "Well I hope they talk about it. It's not good to hold back your emotions." 

"Right. Because we're experts." 

 


End file.
